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Understanding TOEFL Essay #2

Let's analyze the three essays below to understand how to get a great score on TOEFL writing.

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Instructions and Question

Instructions

For this task, you will write an essay in response to a question that asks you to state, explain, and support your opinion on an issue. Typically, an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words. The quality of your writing includes the development of your ideas, the organization of your essay, and the quality and accuracy of the language you use to express your ideas. You have 30 minutes to plan and complete your essay.

Question

Some parents forbid young children from owning smart phones (cell phones with Internet access), while others disagree and believe that they are important tools for keeping in touch. Which point of view do you think is better, and why?

Student Sample Essay #1

Score: 5/5

Technology today is going faster than ever before. There are laptops, tv´s and smart phones everywhere. It does no matter if you are a grown man or woman, a teenager or a small child, most people can have access to these technologies without a problem. All of them serve greatly in communicating and being in touch. However, there are some parents who think smart phones should not be given to their children, and forbid them, and I agree with their opinion.

I believe smart phones are a great tool for people to communicate, but I understand why some parents would not want to give their children a smart phone. First of all, having internet access might be problematic because it is distracting. If children are allowed to take their phones to school, they might not pay attention to classes if they are more entertained with what the WiFi has to offer. There are hardly any restrictions on what they can surf on the web, and it is not the teacher´s job to be confiscating phones.

Having a smart phone also means a kid or a teenager can have access to Facebook or Instagram or any kind of social media, and this can be known to cause severe cases of bullying at school. Anyone can pretend to be someone they are not or a single picture can give the wrong impression, which can cause more probelms.

It also seems that people of all ages tend to ignore those who stand in front of them when having a smart phone. Social interactions are becoming less important in the face of technology. Children might begin to loose their social skills if their face it stuck 24/7 to a phone, a tv or a computer.

I do not disagree that a smart phone functions well in keeping children and their parents in touch in case of an emergency, but a smart phone can cause more problems than solutions. Children can stay in touch with a simple cell phone, without internet access until they are of a certain age. I would propose that they are given a smart phone when they have become responsible people and know that there is a time for everything in life, similar to a rite of passage.

Student Sample Essay #2

Score: 3/5

Nobody doubts that we live in the world with rapidly growing technology. It is commonly that we need things to meet our demands. The issue about owning smart phones in children has often been discussed, especially in the technological ages. Many parents may allow thier children to use them, whereas some parents may disagree, and insist that children should not allowed to use smartphones. However, from my point of view, I strongly believe that smartphones are important tools and they should be permited in children. This essay will explore two majors reason, that why I feel this way.

In the first place, smartphones can make life easier. They are convenient tools to contact with parents, friends and teachers. Parents can follow their kids easily than contact with teachers or children friends. Sometimes these persons are not avaliable to answer the call or reply the messsage. For example, my newphew who are ten years old, when his school finishes, he likes to call to my aunt to report her that where he is waiting for picking up. For this reason, kids should own the smartphones to keep in touch with their parents and they are good for them not to bother other people.

Secondly, apart being practical, smartphones can release parents's tasks. It can help kids do homework by themselves. When childrens do not understand the questions or lessons from schools. They can ask their classmates to help them discuss about assignments. Moreover, sometimes parents cannot answer the accurate answers, children can surf their doubts via internet with various interesting sources and enjoy learning through the multimedias. Hence, these tools can assit childrens' works and children also enjoy using them.

Taking these points into consideration, I am of the opinion that children should allow to own smartphones. This is because, they are beneficial both ease to contact parents and supporting them from schools' works.

Student Sample Essay #3

Score: 2/5

Modern techology coming into our lives. I think 20 years before we cannot suppose aperiense of this question. The 21 century brins a lot of chages. Now I can not image my life without cell phone with Internet. I use it every day for work, study and rest. It is like small computer with me. What is more, I believe every kid have to use this gadget. It is part of our really which we can not hide.

According some experts kid who use smart phone more clever. It is hapend becase they have to undersand how it is works. So kid can make some fun and study. Besides that you can downlod intresting games for child and use this time for yourself.

Moreover, cell phone is useful for protection of our child. You can turn on gelocation and always know where is your child. For example, it amazing tool when kid did not answering on the phone.

On the other hand, kid can use this phone for serching in the Internet and he can find some thing unheilfy for him. However, parents can always make a parents control on the phone. It is easy .

In conclusion, i would like to say the one of important parent's responsobilyty is protect children. The cell phone can do it if you use it correctly.

Teacher's Example Essay

In my opinion, it is absolutely the wrong idea for parents to allow their children to have smart phones. They are immensely distracting, expensive, and unhealthy.

Cell phones have the power to distract young students from schoolwork. Rather than paying attention in class, students try to sneak opportunities to play on their phones. Instead of thinking about schoolwork, they obsessively text each other and try to check sites like Facebook. This takes time away from valuable studying. This is a problem both during school and afterwards, when youngsters should be working on their homework.

At the same time, smart phones can be extremely costly. Many plans require parents to pay abusively high monthly rates. At times, these rates can climb even higher if children use too much data due to things like downloading songs on the Internet. Rather than wasting money on a phone, parents should use the funds on better causes, like tutors for their children, or a home computer on which supervised learning can take place.

Finally, smart phones can be dangerous for young children. We are still unsure medically what the long term effects of exposure to cell phones are, particularly on vulnerable groups such as children. It would be better to be safe than sorry. The less exposure children have to potential toxins, the better. At the same time, kids are sometimes targeted on social media sites by dangerous strangers. If parents allow young children to have smart phones, it might be difficult to protect them in the long term from these kinds of threats.

While older children may sometimes need them to stay in touch with their parents due to their many obligations outside of the house after school, there is little cause for younger children to own them. Parents should encourage their children to read and think in their spare time, developing their minds. Smart phones are unhelpful when it comes to this goal.

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